First visit

First visit was, let's say, interesting.

Earlier that morning I had some mild curiosity about what traits she had gotten from her father. So, I checked my old Plenty Of Fish account where we had met up. Didn't contact him, just took a screen shot of his profile picture and logged off. Me, being the stupid 19 year old I am, sent them the picture thinking they would find it interesting. Needless to say, they flipped out and now they think that this uneducated, trailer park guy from the middle of nowhere is going to steal their baby.

I understand their fear. Totally realistic.

But they reacted in a way that now has me feeling physically ill about it.  I literally did not get out of bed until 3pm today. I sat there crying and worrying.
The stupidest part is, nothing has changed. He's had the opportunity and information necessary to find me for over 9 months. But now, we have to change my phone number, my online name, online settings and my families information.  I've had to take anything about my daughter offline and hide it like I'm ashamed of it. 

And I hate that.

I've asked a few adoptive mom's that I know, to see what I can do to ease their concerns. Apparently I've done all I can.

Seeing her was amazing. I couldn't possibly be happier about seeing her in her new home. 

At first it kind of freaked me out because it had been 3 years since I had taken care of a baby without a nursing staff, but once I got into it I fell right back into mommy mode.  My mom gave her a bath and we lotioned her up, fed her, and put her to bed.

That's when we discussed the photo from that morning.

We had gotten to their house at 6 and hadn't left until almost midnight, and I've felt sick since.  The guilt is going to eat me. I don't think anyone will sleep soundly until November when everything is finalized.