Halfway!

Today marks the halfway point of my pregnancy. Officially 20 weeks along with a little girl, who will be named Sarah Kate. So in honor of this day, I've decided to start writing her birth family story so she can look back on how i made my decision, how much love its taken to come to the decision, and how much love has come into my life because of my decision. 

Finding out I was pregnant was a shock to the system. I'm not going to deny that I sat on the bathroom floor crying for a good long while, because I definitely did. I'm also not going to deny that I told my mom and sisters via Snapchat then refused to answer my phone. No one said being in shock is tactful or pretty.

Lots of people ask how this blessed miracle came to be, and quite honestly I still don't know how to answer the question. Quite honestly, I don't know his name, and I'm slowly becoming okay with that. If I could change anything about my current situation, i'd go back in time and get some details for my little girl to know who her father is but you cant go back, only forward. What I do know, is that this baby has been a blessing in the weirdest way possible.

The decision to place my baby was a long and hard decision to make. The process went something like this:

Oh fuck i'm pregnant... its okay, I can totally do it alone... I got this! I can be a single mom... I just lost my job...*reality crashing into me* maybe I don't got this... but its my baby I cant give it to someone else... yeah but all the single moms I know struggle... I still have things I need to do before I can settle down and raise a kid...whats better for the baby?... maybe i'll meet some families and see how things go... YES! these people are perfect!

Now, obviously there was more to it than that but that's the short version. 

My family has been very supportive in my decision. As far as I know, my father doesn't know and for personal reasons i'd like it to stay that way.